It’s not me…its all of YOU!

So, last night a guild social/new member says in gchat, “UGH! I hate this server! It sucks, I can’t wait to xfer!”

Ok, um…wait, What?!? Moments like these I refer to as “teaching opportunities.” This is where the statement “it’s not what you say, but how you say it” totally comes into play.

So, after a long in guild “discussion” in which I stated numerous times to said person, “I empathize and agree the server can be difficult as can dealing with the people…I just don’t think telling your guild mates that you cant wait to get away from them is the best course of action is all” his final statement was in effect: “I state my opinion and you all jump all over me, what is wrong with all of you?!?

Again, last chance effort to teach here…”Ok, hold that thought…so you said something, and you ‘meant’ one thing, but EVERYONE else took it another way; you don’t think maybe its how/what you said that is the problem? You are convinced EVERYONE else is wrong, and you are right?!” response: “Yes”

/sigh. Ok. Have at it then. Sometimes you cannot teach people. And honestly, it’s always the same situation…immaturity. I don’t mean he likes to play with GI Joes and pull girls’ pony tails, and it isn’t about age either – I have met plenty of immature 50-somethings before. The immaturity I am referencing is more the “full of piss and vinegar” attitude. These “kids” always know what is right. They are never wrong. They are misunderstood and it is always the person listening who is at fault, never the words or tone coming from them.

I have made mention before about how harsh we as a player base are with our criticism and judgment, and perhaps I am as guilty of it as anyone else. Articles like this I am sure are seen as condescending or preachy to any number of players. My apologies for my part, certainly isn’t my intent.

But seriously…we’re dealing with human nature here. Late teens, early twenties everyone goes through a phase of “knowing it all” and that older people are so full of it and curmudgeons that are disrespectful to the younger generations. They are mean and put everyone down, just jaded by life and such. Those youthful folks have a “take on the world” mentality and that they know what is right and need NO ONE telling them what to do or how to do it. In game terms, I have played a hunter since day one…that’s nearly 7 years now on the same class. Methinks I know a thing or two on how to play it and yet I still am always reading and researching, looking for more info and better ways. I am always open to learning more and improving. And yet I routinely run across the player who “has” a hunter at almost 85 and begins to tell me everything I am doing wrong. They are almost always a Wrath baby or the typical “I’ve played every class and have 12 toons at 85, working on my 13th!!” “I used to raid as a rogue, then went tank, then changed to pally, and then healing shammy. Got bored and chose a mage, leveled my lock for PvP and did that for a while. Then switched to a DK full time. Started working on my hunter and rolled a new priest after that for shadow cause its AWESOMESAUCE!” Same old story.

A couple of points are here, trust me…

  1. If you continue to hop around classes and roles, you will never master any of them. Mastering a class or role does not come after playing for 3 months, even 3 years. It in fact NEVER comes. The game evolves, things change. You will ALWAYS be learning new things, and should ALWAYS be seeking out that knowledge!
  2. All servers are the same. Why is that? They all have the same foundation….players. i.e. PEOPLE! While an individual is great, people suck…I quote from Agent K because he states it so eloquently and perfectly: “A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, and you know it. Fifteen hundred years ago, everybody knew that the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew that the Earth was flat. And fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you’ll know tomorrow.”

I’m not trying to put down all people who have the drive to prove themselves. I am saying to please have the thought, the possibility, that maybe – perhaps – just possibly…someone else was there too! They stood in your shoes, and maybe they are trying to offer some advice and criticism to HELP you. They are not trying to be-little you or demean you; they are genuinely trying to help you not make the same mistake they made, not end up with the same regrets they may carry with them.

Yes, this is just a game, but it’s still a valuable lesson in building relationships with others. I’m no saint and I have ticked-off plenty of others in my day; in RL and in-game. Trust me when I say, I am trying to help. And do not read “tone” into my text based chat. If you want to read “tone” hop in vent or mumble and we can TALK. You will hear that my voice will always be laced with sincerity.

So, if you have made it this far in the post, great! Lesson to learn: be patient with your fellow players. Either in helping to teach them and steer them in the right direction or in listening and understanding they are trying to help you. 2 sides, same coin. Will a change of scenery really help? Maybe, but I have played extensively on 3 different servers (2 actively conversing and participating, one was merely observational)….they all have been the same. You’re bored. You have a fail raid, or at least not a truly successful one. You don’t like the players. You don’t like the scene. What do you do? Try something, but don’t be shocked to find the same pervasive attitudes and issues on another server. Transferring is not always the solution.



4 thoughts on “It’s not me…its all of YOU!

  1. Good post 🙂 Unfortunately the people who need to read this, probably won’t. My guild has recently lost players to other servers – in a couple of cases I know they have ‘server-hopped’ several times, looking for that elusive ‘ whatever ‘ which they imagine is out there somewhere. I disagree slightly with you on sticking to only one class – yes, you need to concentrate on a main character, but we all need a bit of variety, and it helps to understand how other classes work. And, yes, trying to reason with some people is like swimming in treacle – you just can’t get anywhere 🙂

  2. Lipstick says:

    This is a great post, except for those situations when it really isn’t me, it really is you. Even all of you. The real lesson shouldn’t be whom has been around the most (because lets face it sometimes folks get stuck in their ways and they don’t want to take any advice from some upstart who just showed up on the scene, never mind sometimes the upstart is right). The true lesson here should be to try to LISTEN to what others have to stay, without getting defensive and flying off the handle. I think we’re all too quick to anger, and judge sometimes.

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